I Am a Fraud

Photo by Sander Sammy on Unsplash

Bible Passages

Read Matthew 6:1-14.

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Proverbs 16:28 (ESV)

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

Devotion

I am a fraud. I pretend to be holy and righteous. I’m not. I’m a sinner. I think terrible thoughts at times, some of which escape my filters and pop out of my mouth. I am also moody at times, especially when I don’t get enough sleep. That, too, comes out occasionally, and I lash out. My tongue can be vicious. My loved ones are most often the ones who suffer my foul mood. Because I know them best, I know exactly where to aim the verbal sword. As much as I try to avoid it, I have hurt my favorite people with my words. No amount of apologies can take back the horrible things I have said.

I used to criticize the Jewish people being led out of Egypt. I used to marvel at how forgetful they were. Moses would leave them for a couple of days, and come back to find them falling into their old habits. I was busy looking at the specks in their eyes, not realizing I was doing the same thing. I was quick to judge them, and harsh. I realize now that after I repented something I said, I would turn around and do the same thing again. I, too, fell into my old, comfortable, familiar routines of poisonous behaviors, thoughts, and words. My quick “wit” could cut through anyone’s heart, and got me into all kinds of trouble.

Every morning I pray that I will be a blessing to someone. When I do or say something to lift someone up, I negate that good work when I do or say something that displeases God. I have now added the prayer my father recited in the pulpit at the beginning of every service,

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19:14 (NASB1995)

Repeating this verse helps me remember to keep my focus on God, no matter my mood or how rested I am. It helps me remember to keep an even keel at all times. It reminds me to be respectful and humble. It reminds me to filter my actions and my speech using God’s standards.

I have since added a new filter. It still leaks a little. Things still slip out that would be better left unsaid. After all, I’m a work in progress. Every night I pray for forgiveness for the times I slipped that day, and for the strength and wisdom to learn from my mistakes and to do and be better tomorrow.

Prayer Focus

Filtered speech

Prayer

Dearest Lord and Savior, help me be a better person today. Grant me the wisdom to hold my tongue when needed, and to speak up only when it adds to Your glory. Amen.

Final Thought

I am not always what I seem.

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